Some Nights
by Anastasia-G
Summary: Oneshot in Derek's POV. Derek struggles to cope with death and grief. Bonnie returns from her Granma's funeral needing some comfort.


**A Bonnie/Derek oneshot I've been working on for a bit, galvanized to completion by a great gifset I saw on Tumblr. It's kinda rough but I wanted to get it done and posted. **

* * *

Remembrance waxed and waned like the moon. Some nights it was a sickle of silver, hiding in corners of memory with paper-cut sharpness. On others, it was a white-hot disc spinning through his blood until he all he knew was an awful throbbing brilliance behind his eyes.

On those nights Derek hated his impervious skin, how it swallowed its wounds hole, stitched itself anew, wiped itself clean as the tiles in rooms where unctuous men and women with 'Dr.' before their names asked him inane questions.  
_Do you blame yourself for not being there? How often do you think about your family?_

On those nights his own flesh seemed to mock him with its refusal to scar, with its twisted determination to stay whole and unmarried despited the black bloodied wounds he carried within.

And on those nights, he was drawn to her and couldn't bring himself to touch her.

Bonnie didn't extort words from him, though unspoken ones welled fierce and full in those soft green eyes, though she bit them off at her lips making him want to feel them exhaled hot against his skin enunciated with her delightful teeth.

Her scent and the warmth of her flesh pinioned him between lust and self-loathing. Lust licked at his veins like an insidious flame _let it out Derek don't you miss the taste of ash_

On those nights the wolf stalked inside his skin sleepless and full of memory, ready to wrest humanity between fierce jaws and lope into the shadowed forest.

Bonnie said nothing on those nights when he climbed in her window to lie beside her, just close enough that the warmth and and tangled scent of her sleeping body him hard, but always keeping a moon-sickle's distance between them.

* * *

The drive from the airport was achingly quiet. Bonnie stared listlessly out the window and either ignored or didn't see the glances he stole in between steering.

Bonnie always spoke her mind, she didn't believe in stifling her thoughts to spare his feelings. She could get excited about the smell of baking scones or the moon or a cloudless night. She reminded him of normal, embodied the gravity that kept him walking. Her silence was the ground off kilter.

She grabbed her bags before he could offer to help and brushed past him up the stairs. Derek followed, confusion and anger melding with that other feeling, the strange warm sweetness that tugged at his gut around her, a sickle poised to cut.

Her pause at the door was unexpected. The bags slid from her shaking shoulders and he heard her swallowing small sobs.

Derek froze. Laura always knew what to do, when to hold his head and when to let him punch the wall, when to say "It's ok," and when to shout. Sometimes every day since she died felt like knuckles breaking and healing against a wall, just hoping to hear her say _Stop it Derek, that's enough._

If Bonnie was raging and stomping or even sulking he'd be more comfortable, more familiar with the reality. It was how he understood death: something that pushed you down and screamed in your ear _what makes you think you're worth anything._

Not this simple, uncomplicated sorrow. Not the plain relief of tears.

Derek brushed her hair awkwardly. His fingertips hummed with the feel of soft thick curls and he took a deep ragged breath of her scent, catching her orange spice perfume under the mustiness of airplane travel.

When did his arm encircle her waist? he found himself wondering as she pressed her warm curves against him. He'd almost forgotten how much he missed touching her. He'd thought the full cruelty of his self-imposed punishment could grow no sharper than when he lay next to her, watching and breathing her in without reaching for her.  
But feeling her warm sweet body in his arms and knowing he didn't deserve any of it, not a single inch of her fragrant skin, ah, that was the fullest measure of sadism.

She wasn't crying anymore, just nestled deliciously against him and he hoped she wouldn't notice his growing erection against as she snuggled closer. Dammit he hadn't planned on this. He was going to drop her off and make sure she was ok and leave for the night.

Instead Derek followed tendrils of her scent through her hair and into the warm softness of her neck. He couldn't stop himself from nipping at skin, splaying his hand across her hip as a small moan escaped her.

Bonnie ground her ass against his hardening cock and all the taunting lust took him by the throat. He turned her roughly in his arms and found her mouth and tongue all luscious tasting of coffee and mint, and gravity was centered again. She clutched at his shirt like a lifeline and he could hear the intoxicating thud of her heartbeat, mocking his delicious failure at asceticism.

"Do you have to go?" she whispered when they broke the kiss. He could sense she was as aroused as he was, desire sharpened over weeks of restraint and now made desperate with the taste of death. Derek caught the scent of moist heat between her legs and growled low against her mouth, knowing it would take an entire alpha pack and maybe more to drag him away.

"Not tonight."

He'd thought Bonnie would want comforting caresses and a slow build. He didn't expect the fierce press of her teeth against his naked chest, the way she raked her nails up his back _Cmon Derek_. The way she arched her throat for for his hungry mouth and moaned for more, even though he knew he was biting her hard enough to necessitate a turtleneck or scarves for a few days.

They made it to the living room floor.

She wiggled her hips as he pushed her jeans off then pulled him down for a hungry kiss. Her small moans_ Derek please, Derek yes harder_ pulled on his blood like the hunger of the full moon.

They never even bothered to take her panties off, just worked around them and the edge of lace dragged against his cock with each thrust just another burst of triumphant sensation behind his eyelids.

His climax took him while Bonnie still shuddered from hers. Derek groaned into her hair and the sickle of lascivious pain sliding against his heart never felt so welcome.

It took a few moments for the red to fade from his eyes, and then he felt the dampness on his chest.

"What's wrong?" he panted, "Did I hurt you?"

Bonnie shook her head, "No...I just...really needed that." Wet green eyes gazed up at him, "I needed you."

Derek cupped her face, letting the tears trickle over his hand. He held her until they stopped, then picked her up and carried her to the couch. She nestled into him like a bird.

Death was a taunting singsong in all their ears_ Nothing saves you, not goodness not love. Redemption is a lie wrapped in a child's lullaby._

He gathered Bonnie close buried his nose in her sex-tousled hair and savored the mingling of his scent with her.

"I'm not going anywhere tonight."

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**Thoughts? Comments? Let me know! :) xoxoxo**


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